the last fight of Brian Kinney
by veronique2
Summary: after season two Brian decided to get back his Mikey . STORY IS COMPLETE.


The last fight of Brian Kinney  
  
Title: THE LAST FIGHT OF BRIAN KINNEY  
  
US fic/Brian and Michael  
  
Summary: After season two, Brian decided it's time to get Mikey back  
  
and want to take Ben out of the picture  
  
Email address: mattesaiko@aol.com  
  
Category: , Romance, humor, Angst  
  
Spoilers: General QaF knowledge  
  
Warnings: None  
  
Rated: R  
  
Author's note: thanks for Danielle who helps me again for this fic.  
  
Archive Permission: Always and ATP, all others ask  
  
Disclaimer: Queer as Folk the series, characters and concepts are  
  
the property, copyright and trademark of Showtime and Cowlip. No  
  
ownership is claimed by the author; this work is nonprofit,  
  
noncommercial and not for sale for commercial purposes. Characters  
  
and  
  
situations not specifically owned, copyrighted, or trademarked by the  
  
creators of Queer as Folk are the sole copyright of the author.  
  
  
  
Prologue  
  
Brian's POV  
  
I don't know why I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I  
  
left Mikey alone in my loft, I needed to be by myself. As long as I  
  
can remember, we have never had a fight like this one. And I  
  
certainly am not apologizing because what I said was the truth. I  
  
saw his face go pale then furious, he was angry too. But I needed to  
  
say it, I'm sure he'll understand. He always understands. This  
  
isn't what I had planned, the truth is I'm scared that this time it  
  
will be the end.   
  
I simply planned to do everything I could to get Mikey back to me  
  
like he was before Justin, David and Ben. I just wanted to take Ben  
  
out of the picture without hurting Mikey and by acting smarter this  
  
time than I did with David. Simple right? Fact is, it wasn't so  
  
simple. And everything was my fault, I felt lost and the day I woke  
  
up to the reality was very hard. Let me explain to you what happened.  
  
A few months ago I was living with Justin. He was my boyfriend, it  
  
was fucking mistake. After his bashing, after Mikey's departure for  
  
Portland, I was completely lost. Yes, Mikey came back and Justin  
  
recovered eventually. I had a lot of affection for the young boy and  
  
was so angry about Mikey. I took care of Justin. I felt guilty, felt  
  
various feelings for him...for everybody. Everything was so confused  
  
in my head. I wanted to concentrate on Justin and we became  
  
boyfriends. He wanted that more than I wanted. But I truly liked  
  
him, we made rules for a relationship because I didn't want to loose  
  
my freedom, and I didn't want loose Justin because I needed him near  
  
me. I needed him as a friend not as a lover and it took me a long  
  
time to understand that.  
  
Time passed, and our relationship wasn't perfect but it was good  
  
enough for me. But not for Justin of course. He always wanted more  
  
and more. After a long time I forgave Mikey for leaving and things  
  
weren't so bad. I was so proud of him when he bought his comic book  
  
store. Then Ben came into Mikey's life, I didn't see the danger in  
  
them developing a relationship, the AIDS thing had me scared though.  
  
I was always concentrating on Justin, he needed me and I was doing  
  
pretty good with him. I knew Ben before Mikey introduced us. I told  
  
Justin about it and the brat couldn't keep his mouth shut! After  
  
that, Mikey became really upset knowing what happened between Ben and  
  
I, he and Ben had some trouble because of it. It was my fault. I  
  
knew that Mikey was having trouble dealing with it, and I knew it  
  
bothered him that we never fucked. So I decided to give him what he  
  
wanted, and do what David had asked me to do; fuck him and set him  
  
free.  
  
It was a hard choice to make but if what he wanted was just a fuck,  
  
then it was okay by me. Forgetting my stronger feelings for Mikey, I  
  
pushed him against the wall of his store and I kissed him. He didn't  
  
want to kiss me back at first, but then he did and that kiss woke up  
  
all my feelings for him. He pushed me away. I was frustrated and  
  
relieved when he said to me "Get out of here." I suddenly realized  
  
that he just didn't want a fuck from me, but he wanted to make love  
  
with me because he was in love with me. Yes, I knew that he was in  
  
love with me but the truth was I always thought he wanted me for the  
  
wrong reasons. I always used to think that he just wanted me for my  
  
body, not for me. I thought he wanted me for my reputation as the  
  
stud and not for me. I thought his love for me was based on sex.  
  
That's why I have always refused him, because I love him and didn't  
  
want to loose him.  
  
He didn't want to fuck me and have it be just a fuck. When I looked  
  
at him, I saw the fear in his eyes and the anger. I think in that  
  
moment he also realized that he truly did love me. I didn't want to  
  
leave there without telling him that I knew, that I knew the truth so  
  
I said, "I know your secret identity." I smiled after I said it  
  
because I was happy. When I closed the door behind me, I realized my  
  
feelings too. I had been lying to myself for a long time, I believed  
  
they had faded away as time went by. But no, I was still the  
  
prisoner of Michael Novotny's heart. It was different because now I  
  
knew his secret identity. I acted like a jerk and was scared. That  
  
wasn't what I had intended to happen when I went there. It bothered  
  
me later when I saw him dancing with Ben in Babylon. I grew even  
  
more uncomfortable when Ben left us to dance together, but Mikey  
  
smiled at me like nothing had happened. He always did that, smile  
  
and pretend everything was all right. I did the same, and we didn't  
  
talk about it.  
  
Time passed and what I believed to be a not so bad relationship with  
  
Justin became an awful situation. I felt trapped. More and more I  
  
thought about Mikey and the comic store kiss, and things got worse  
  
with Justin. I tried to buy roses for him but it was ridiculous, it  
  
was lying to Justin about my feelings if I did that and I hate lies.   
  
I liked Justin, I didn't love him. Justin broke the rules and lied  
  
often enough. Then, Justin and Michael became partners on Rage. It  
  
was the worst...Justin became friends with Mikey. I was jealous.   
  
Jealous of Justin, jealous of Michael. I felt alone and I was really  
  
pissed off and once again acted like a jerk. I got worse and worse  
  
with "Sunshine." I didn't want him as a boyfriend, but I didn't want  
  
to loose him. I tried everything I possibly could to push him away.   
  
Eventually, it worked. But the little boy was really stubborn and I  
  
wanted him to decide it was over. I was actually glad Ethan entered  
  
the picture.  
  
When Ben was in the hospital I saw the worry, and the affection for  
  
Ben, in Mikey's eyes. I tried to do my best to comfort him. I liked  
  
Ben, but the truth is I was heartbroken to see Michael loving him in  
  
that way. And I felt guilty for feeling that way, knowing how  
  
difficult the situation was. When I went back to the loft, I found  
  
Justin waiting for me. He prepared a romantic night for us and it  
  
was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to forget myself, to forget my  
  
feelings. I wanted to go out, I wanted him to come with me. I  
  
needed a friend, but he wasn't a friend. He was a boyfriend who  
  
wanted love. He refused to go, and I went out alone to forget.  
  
Then Justin continued to lie to me about Ethan. And even though I  
  
didn't care about Ethan, I did care that he didn't trust me enough to  
  
talk about it. Instead, he lied about it. I felt betrayed by my  
  
friend. And the funny thing was I really needed him like a friend,  
  
that was why things were so confusing for me. I wanted to see Ethan,  
  
if he could give what I couldn't to Justin it was okay by me. Justin  
  
deserved to be loved and didn't deserve what I was doing to him.   
  
Soon after a miracle happened, our gang was in at the gym and Mikey  
  
said that Ben decided to go to Tibet. I saw the light, Ben was on  
  
his way out and I needed to have Justin out of my life too. I  
  
decided that we needed to talk about Ethan. I never gave Justin any  
  
reason to expect any more from me, I let him think that he was only  
  
around because of the sex. It wasn't true, like I said, I needed him  
  
as my friend.  
  
Mikey and Justin had a fight at the Rage party. I defended Mikey, as  
  
always. Justin was upset by that. Later, I saw Lindsay and told her  
  
I was looking for Justin. I wanted him to find me in the backroom  
  
and it worked. I hadn't planned on Ethan showing up and Justin  
  
choosing him over me in front of everybody. I wanted him to leave,  
  
but felt strangely even when he did go with the violinist.   
  
  
  
After few minutes, Mikey came to me. He didn't say anything, I saw  
  
the pain in the eyes and knew he felt sorry for me. But I told him I  
  
was okay. We decided to come back to my loft. We didn't talk much,  
  
only his presence was necessary. I love Mikey for that.   
  
Eventually, we talked about everything and nothing. When I went to  
  
the kitchen for a drink I asked, "When will Ben be leaving for  
  
Tibet?"  
  
It was the only thing I cared about it. And my blood became cold  
  
when I heard, "He's decided to stay, he's not leaving."  
  
I was shocked and my heart broke. Fortunately, I was alone in the  
  
kitchen so he didn't see my face.  
  
"Great," I said. I could say nothing else and I dropped the  
  
subject. I felt lost again, betrayed again and alone again.  
  
During the three weeks after that, I was a ghost of myself. I didn't  
  
want to see Mickey much, I met Emmett and Ted more often than usual  
  
but it was a disgusting to see them so happy as lovers. They were  
  
friends who became lovers. And me? What did I have? Nothing. I  
  
was depressed. Everybody thought that was because of Justin,  
  
including Mikey. Then, there was trouble in Justin and Ethan's  
  
paradise. Justin wanted to get back together with new rules. I  
  
almost made the same mistakes again that I made after the bashing,  
  
but I learned my lesson and I told him what I wanted from him: a  
  
friend. I wanted his support and because of him and our relationship  
  
I finally woke up and saw what was really going on.  
  
I realize that I have to fight to get Mikey to come back again, I  
  
must show him that I'm still here and become the old self-confident  
  
Brian Kinney. I finally understand that I was worth enough to Mikey  
  
and three weeks ago I started my last fight.  
  
ROUND One  
  
3 weeks ago  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Mikey was in my loft. He seemed upset by something and suddenly he  
  
said to me, "So Brian, what's going on? Why are you avoiding me? When  
  
I see you its only at Babylon or you come in my store with Justin!  
  
What happened?"  
  
I knew that sooner or later, he would ask me that. But now, I knew  
  
what I wanted and I decided to set my plan in motion.  
  
"I thought it was better for you not to see me all the time after my  
  
break up with Justin."  
  
"Why? You know I'm worried about you!"  
  
"I know but I told you that I was okay."  
  
"Okay? Are you kidding? You were doing really shitty and now Justin  
  
seems to come back in your life and..."  
  
"No, Justin is not coming back in my life. He is just a friend,  
  
nothing more. And I didn't want to see you because of your  
  
relationship with Ben."  
  
I wanted to make it clear about Justin. But he looks pretty  
  
intrigued by what I just said about him and Ben.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, you have your life with Ben and I didn't want to be around all  
  
the time because of my breakup with Justin. I know you were worried,  
  
and I know the others would misunderstand why I might be hanging  
  
around you so much. I remembered what happened with David, everybody  
  
accused me of being in your life too much and interfering in your  
  
relationship. I didn't want that again."  
  
"But it's not the same! You didn't like David, and Ben is not David.  
  
He understands everything."  
  
I hate hearing Michael say that Ben is perfect. I know that's not  
  
what he said, but that's the way I hear it. But, Mikey said exactly  
  
what I wanted him too so I took my chance.  
  
"You are right, he's not like David. He is better than David. In  
  
fact, it's not difficult at all for anyone to be better than him."  
  
I really hated David, I'll continue to hate him probably until my  
  
death. But I needed to continue with what I wanted to say.  
  
"Mikey, do you remember that night, when we went to New York to find  
  
Justin?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So you remember what I said to you when we were on the turnpike?"  
  
Of course he remembered, when I saw his face and his huge smile I  
  
knew I picked a good example.  
  
"I said to you, I would miss moments like that between us. And it's  
  
still true now, even if you are with Ben and not David. I missed  
  
those moments before Justin, before David."  
  
He seemed to be a little disappointed that I mentioned only this part  
  
of what I said to him that night, but he looked at me with the same  
  
love I saw in eyes that night.  
  
"Do you think Ben will agree to give us time together? I mean, I  
  
don't want him to think like David did. Like you said, he is not  
  
David. So if you want, what do you think of us having two whole  
  
nights together a week?"  
  
"What do you mean exactly?"  
  
Mikey seemed so happy and his smile turned me on but I needed to keep  
  
myself in check.  
  
"Well, before, we spent every evening together. We talked, danced,  
  
we watched movies and all that. If you want and if Ben wants we can  
  
do that again, but two evenings only so Ben won't get angry and you  
  
could have your life too."  
  
"What a great idea! I'm sure he will be okay with it. Two evening is  
  
not too much after all."  
  
"What do you think about every Tuesday and Thursday?"  
  
"Perfect."   
  
"Deal."  
  
I took Mikey in my arms, I loved when I had my Mikey near me and then  
  
I gave him a quick kiss. I really needed these stolen kisses and I  
  
took them every time I could.  
  
Mikey left and I was so happy because I could have him all to myself  
  
for two whole evenings, and I'll see him on the weekends because Ben  
  
and Michael go to Babylon with us. So now, Ben will have Mikey to  
  
himself only 2 days a week! If I were Mikey's boyfriend, I would be  
  
mad and I know if he was still with David he would be saying, 'It's  
  
out of the question Michael.' But like Mikey said, Ben is  
  
so 'understanding'."  
  
I was thrilled, I had my first victory.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I was surprised when Michael showed up at my apartment with flowers  
  
and champagne. He seemed so happy. I hadn't seen him that happy  
  
since the Rage party. Something's up, I wondered what it was.  
  
"What's going on Michael?"  
  
"Nothing, I just had a good day I want to spend evening with my  
  
boyfriend."  
  
After the Rage party, I was scared about what would happen to us. I  
  
was scared of losing him because Brian and Justin had broken up. But  
  
Brian became distant, and really seemed to be missing his blond teen  
  
lover. I saw Michael worrying for Brian, and I saw his pain in  
  
knowing that Brian was missing Justin. It hurt me knowing he loved  
  
Brian even though I was by his side. My disease wasn't the only  
  
reason I wanted to go to Tibet. It bothered me to read 'Rage' and  
  
know that Brian was Rage and Michael was Zephyr.   
  
I was jealous and panicked and wanted to leave. Then I thought,  
  
Michael loved Brian but it was only one sided. Michael was only a  
  
friend to Brian. And I thought that eventually I would be able to  
  
reach Michael's heart and make it my own completely. After Brian  
  
pulled away from him, Michael became a little depressed and I was  
  
there to comfort of him. He needed me. And after Justin and Ethan  
  
broke up, it was obvious that he wanted Brian back. I saw Michael's  
  
jealousy, even after Brian and Justin decided to be friends and  
  
nothing more. He was more jealous of their friendship than he was of  
  
them as boyfriends.  
  
We ate a fabulous dinner and it was so good to have Michael with me  
  
like it was once before. He was fun, there was this light in his eyes  
  
that I hadn't seen in a long time. Then I understood what he was so  
  
happy when he told me he saw Brian.  
  
"I saw Brian and you were right, it was all a misunderstanding, he  
  
didn't want to see me because of you."  
  
I was surprised.  
  
"Why because of me?"  
  
"He didn't want interfere in our relationship and didn't want be too  
  
involved in my life. He was scared that you would think he was  
  
interfering."  
  
"Oh really? But he's your friend and I understand that. It was nice  
  
to him to worry about our relationship though."  
  
"Yes, so, he came up with an idea. I want you to be okay with it  
  
though."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know we are best friends for 18 years and..."  
  
I suddenly felt very bad about this.  
  
"...if you don't mind, I was thinking that two nights a week I could  
  
spend my time hanging out with Brian. You know..watching movies,  
  
talking, stuff like that."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
I felt trapped. Even though I knew Michael was the only one feeling  
  
more than friendship between them, I was still worried about him  
  
spending two nights a week with Brian. I wanted Michael to forget  
  
him. Spending time with him wasn't the solution, but on the other  
  
hand Michael looked so happy. He was like his old self, there was no  
  
way I would object to his plan.  
  
"Is there something wrong?"  
  
"No, not at all. It's a good idea Michael."  
  
"So you're okay with this?"  
  
He smiled that smile I love so much, the smile that caught my heart  
  
and breaks it at the same time.  
  
"Of course it is. I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
He kissed me happily, like a child happy they were getting exactly  
  
what they wanted. I began to feel really uneasy about the whole mess.  
  
Round 2  
  
  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I was at the gang in Babylon on Friday, having a fabulous time with  
  
Mikey and enjoying every moment of our private evenings together.  
  
I was dancing with some guy, but discreetly watching Michael and Ben  
  
dance together. I wasn't ready to interrupt them just yet, it was  
  
too early. I was feeling pretty happy, I had a plan and was rather  
  
proud of myself.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I was dancing with Michael who smiled up at me, he seemed to be in a  
  
truly good mood. I was relieved to see Brian dancing with some guy,  
  
smiling seductively at him. After Michael and Brian's first couple  
  
of nights together, I realized I had set myself up because now  
  
Michael was seeing him on the weekends as well. I felt like my time  
  
with Michael had been stolen away from me. I thought that I would  
  
have Michael to myself finally, Brian was busy with his dance partner  
  
and I thought there was nothing to worry about. I tried to keep  
  
Michael's eyes off of Brian by distracting him through dancing and  
  
talking. I wanted his attention on me.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Two hours later I decided it was time to join Mikey and Ben, who were  
  
still dancing together.  
  
"Hi! There's a really good DJ tonight." Said Michael.  
  
"Yep, I know him! An old trick." I explained.  
  
"A good one, I hope?" Asked Ben.  
  
"Not bad."  
  
I smiled at Ben and continued to dance, a moment later I put my arms  
  
around Mikey's waist and whispered into his ear.  
  
"You remember what we did yesterday? Get ready and we'll do it again  
  
tonight, I'll request the next song just for that."  
  
I knew what Mikey's reaction would be and I was right. He stared at  
  
me with shock and confusion, and a little blush and he yelped, "I  
  
wont do it! Not here! Are you crazy?"  
  
"Come on Mikey you can do it! We can do it! We were perfect  
  
yesterday!"  
  
"That was yesterday *and* we were alone *and* we had time to  
  
practice."  
  
"You don't have choice Mikey."  
  
"No, I can't do that."  
  
"Do what?" Ben asked suddenly.  
  
He didn't know what we were talking about, but seemed nervous about  
  
it. I tried to smile nonchalantly at him and said,  
  
"Yesterday we watched an old movie and then taught ourselves the  
  
dance from the film."  
  
Ben seemed surprised.  
  
"A dance? What dance?"  
  
Michael blushed.  
  
"It was just for fun and now he wants to dance like that here in  
  
front everybody."  
  
"Oh come on! Don't you want Ben to see how well you really dance?"  
  
"He already knows how I dance."  
  
"Ben! Please, do something to convince him."  
  
I saw Ben's curiosity in knowing what exactly Mikey and I had done  
  
the night before, I knew he would talk Michael into it. It was  
  
exactly what I wanted him too do.  
  
When the DJ started to play the song, I grabbed Mikey's hand and  
  
smiled at him.  
  
"Everything will be okay, we'll be great together." I said  
  
reassuringly.  
  
The theme song to 'Dirty Dancing' played as we danced.  
  
Now I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt like this before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
'Cause I've had the time of my life  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
I've been waiting for so long  
  
Now I've finally found someone  
  
To stand by me  
  
We saw the writing on the wall  
  
As we felt this magical  
  
Fantasy  
  
Now with passion in our eyes  
  
There's no way we could disguise it  
  
Secretly  
  
So we take each other's hand  
  
'Cause we seem to understand  
  
The urgency  
  
Just remember  
  
You're the one thing  
  
I can't get enough of  
  
So I'll tell you something  
  
This could be love because  
  
I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt this way before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
Hey, baby  
  
With my body and soul  
  
I want you more than you'll ever know  
  
So we'll just let it go  
  
Don't be afraid to lose control, no  
  
Yes I know what's on your mind  
  
When you say, "Stay with me tonight"  
  
Just remember  
  
You're the one thing  
  
I can't get enough of  
  
So I'll tell you something  
  
This could be love because  
  
I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt this way before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
  
  
But I've had the time of my life  
  
And I've searched though every open door  
  
Till I found the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
  
  
Now I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt this way before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt this way before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
'Cause I've had the time of my life  
  
And I've searched though every open door  
  
Till I found the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you...  
  
  
  
We danced and sang together, knowing the words by heart after all  
  
these years. I forgot that we were at Babylon and didn't realize  
  
everyone was watching us. When the song stopped, I had Mikey in my  
  
arms. We smiled at one another, our lips were so close and I wanted  
  
to kiss him the way I had yesterday when we got the dance perfect.   
  
We had been so happy that we kissed, it was soft but a long kiss. I  
  
kept hold of my control and kissed him on the forehead instead.  
  
Everybody applauded our performance. Ben joined us and I saw his  
  
confusion immediately. I didn't know how we came across exactly, but  
  
judging by the crowd around us I think it went the way I was hoping.   
  
I wanted Ben to see how Mikey and I connect.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
It was a big shock to see them dancing like that. I was surprised by  
  
the song too. They sang together, danced together and watched each  
  
other closely. I swear I could almost feel the love radiating off of  
  
them.  
  
I thought that at the end, Brian would kiss Michael but he only  
  
kissed him on his forehead. Michael seemed so happy and so proud of  
  
the way they had danced. I joined them and wrapped Michael in my arms  
  
and held onto him tightly.  
  
"You were wonderful." I said and he was. I was completely impressed  
  
by my lover but I felt the danger when I looked over at Brian. I  
  
remembered that night I saw Brian kiss Michael on the stairs of  
  
Babylon, and for the first time since then I remembered exactly what  
  
I said to him, "Does he always kiss you like that?" It seemed so  
  
strange to me but Michael said something about Brian only doing it  
  
when he was high or when he wanted Michael to shut up.  
  
I needed to show to Brian that Mikey was mine so I kissed him  
  
deeply. Michael responded to my kiss and I felt comforted by it. I  
  
told myself I was imagining what I was seeing, that Brian was only a  
  
close friend and nothing more. I was worrying because I knew how  
  
Michael felt for Brian and my jealousy was causing me to overreact.  
  
And at that moment Justin strolled up to us and wrapped his arms  
  
around Brian, I felt Michael tense immediately.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
It was so hard for me to see Ben kissing Michael the way I wanted to  
  
kiss him few minutes ago. But I could do nothing about it.  
  
Then Justin came and put his arms around me. I let him stay like  
  
that for a few minutes just to have time to enjoy the jealousy in  
  
Mikey's eyes. Afterwards I took his arms away from around my waist.   
  
"You put on a great show!" Said Justin.  
  
"Thanks, we worked hard to make it good." Said Michael.  
  
"I could tell."  
  
"Where is Chad?" I asked.  
  
Chad was Justin's new boyfriend of the week. He hadn't had the same  
  
boyfriend for longer than a week, and this was Chad's turn.  
  
"We broke up."  
  
"Already? But it's Friday not Sunday, week's not over yet  
  
remember?"   
  
"I know that, he was too boring."  
  
"Do you want a drink?"  
  
"Ya, good idea."  
  
"Mikey, you want a drink too? Ben?"  
  
"Yes." They both answered.  
  
We joined Emmett and Ted at the bar, they congratulated us on our  
  
little performance. Then everybody decided it was time to leave  
  
Babylon. I said good bye to Mikey and gave him a quick kiss when Ben  
  
was in the bathroom.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
Michael and I were so tired, we left Babylon and came right back to  
  
my apartment. As I tried to fall asleep, I couldn't stop thinking  
  
about him and Brian's dance. I was feeling very uneasy, then  
  
suddenly, it hit me.  
  
As long as Brian was single Michael would always have that little bit  
  
of hope in his heart. My mind went immediately to Justin. Since he  
  
and Ethan broke up, Justin was hanging around Brian again and unable  
  
to keep a boyfriend for more than a week at a time. It was obvious  
  
he was still in love with Brian.  
  
Justin was the solution to my problem. I decided to play matchmaker.  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I called Justin the next day and told him I wanted to talk to him.   
  
He said he was busy planning a trip to New York for a week, I asked  
  
him what kind of a trip it was and his answer was, "It's a secret.   
  
But you'll know soon enough and we can discuss it next week." I was  
  
confused by this, how could we talk next week if he'd be in New York?"  
  
I wanted to see him before Babylon that night. I didn't want to be  
  
there and see Brian hanging all over Michael again. So, I decided to  
  
tell Michael that I was way too tired for clubbing and told him I'd  
  
much prefer staying home with the love of my life watching one or two  
  
good movies.   
  
He seemed concerned about my health but I reassured him. He was so  
  
nice, so worried about. He agreed and said,  
  
"Okay, I'll call Brian and tell him we aren't going tonight."  
  
"Why do you need to call Brian?" I asked nervously. "We're free to  
  
do what we want without his permission."  
  
Michael smiled at me and said simply,  
  
"I don't want him to worry."  
  
"What could he worry about?"  
  
"We always go to Babylon on the weekend, if he don't see us, I'm sure  
  
he'll worry."  
  
"I don't see Brian as a worrier."  
  
"You're wrong Ben. You don't know him like I do, I'm sure he will be  
  
worried."  
  
I could have continued arguing with him but knew that when you talked  
  
to Michael about Brian, you were always wrong. He defended him no  
  
matter what and always said things like, "You don't understand"  
  
or "You don't know him the way I do." I couldn't win and let it go.   
  
And I wondered if Brian would be so loyal to Michael.   
  
The most important thing was, I was going to spend the night alone  
  
with my lover.   
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Mikey called me and said he was staying in with Ben. Ben was tired  
  
and wanted to stay home and watch movies. I was really upset, this  
  
was upsetting my plans. But I still had some tricks up my sleeve. I  
  
called Justin and we went to Ted and Emmett's apartment.   
  
  
  
"What's going on?" Asked a surprised Emmett.  
  
"Nothing in particular. I just thought we could go to the restaurant  
  
before going to Babylon for change." I said.  
  
Ted was suspicious, naturally.  
  
"What's the truth Brian?"  
  
Justin spoke up for me,  
  
"The truth is he wanted to go with Michael and Ben but they won't be  
  
coming tonight, Ben is too tired."  
  
"Oh I see, it's a pleasure to be the replacement." Said Ted with  
  
sarcasm.  
  
"Is Ben okay?" Asked Emmett with concern.  
  
"Yes, just tired" I said.  
  
"It's too bad. A whole Saturday night watching TV when we know  
  
they'd rather be out at Babylon."  
  
"Can we go?" I asked impatiently.  
  
"I don't believe it Brian! You really are an asshole. Your best  
  
friend and his lover are stuck at home and you don't care. You just  
  
want to go out and have your own fun. You're so selfish." Emmett  
  
said.  
  
"It's not my fault if Ben is tired!" I yelled.  
  
"Well, I can't help but feel guilty because my friends are stuck at  
  
home while we have a good time without them!" Yelled Emmett.  
  
"Calm down honey!" Said Ted.  
  
"So what? I won't stay home in front of my TV just because they  
  
won't come out!" I said knowing full well that this was the extra  
  
push Emmett needed to propose exactly what I knew he would.  
  
"Maybe we should go over there and spend the night with them!"   
  
Emmett yelled at me furiously, "We can watch TV together and have fun  
  
together without going clubbing for once. Like real friends do!"  
  
"That's a good idea honey." Ted said.  
  
And the winner was...Brian Kinney. Emmett said exactly what I wanted  
  
him too. I knew that Ben would be so happy to have friends like us  
  
around...  
  
"It's going to be really boring." I moaned.  
  
"Can't you make an effort for your friends? One night away from  
  
Babylon and tricking won't kill you." Ted replied.  
  
"So Justin what do you say? You want to come with us?" Emmett asked.  
  
"Sorry, but I have a date with a gorgeous Spanish man who looks like  
  
Antonio Banderas and he is waiting for me at Babylon." Justin  
  
smirked and then left.  
  
"You really did a good job on him, he's just like you." Ted said  
  
with a glare in my direction.  
  
"He had a good teacher." I said proudly and with a large smile.  
  
Emmett called Michael from my loft while Ted and I looked through my  
  
movie collection before heading over to Mikey's. Well, actually, I  
  
chose the movies because Ted only wanted to bring porn.  
  
When I saw one movie in particular, I couldn't resist taking it with  
  
us. I couldn't help smiling at the thought of the look that would be  
  
on Ben's face.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
  
  
I couldn't believe it when Michael said that Emmett called and asked  
  
if the gang could come over. But Michael seemed really happy because  
  
it was the first time they were doing something like that together  
  
and not going to a bar or a club.  
  
This time it was Emmett who ruined my plans for the night, although  
  
Michael said Emmett was worried about me too.   
  
I was "so happy" to learn that Brian will be there too. I accepted  
  
it, it's not like I had a choice. When they arrived, Emmett and Ted  
  
were carrying Chinese take out and Brian was holding the movies.  
  
"What kind of movies did you choose?" Michael asked him?  
  
I saw Michael enjoying Brian's presence so much and immediately felt  
  
jealous again.  
  
"I brought three: Funny Girl, Batman 2 and," He paused, looked at me  
  
and smiled, "Seven Years in Tibet with Brad Pitt."  
  
He was trying to provoke me. And I would have taken it as an  
  
official declaration of war but remembered that it was Emmett's idea  
  
to come here tonight and not his.  
  
I needed to be objective.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
It was so delicious to see Ben's expression when I said, "Seven Years  
  
in Tibet." I really hope he got the message, and if his expression  
  
was anything to judge by, he had.  
  
"I haven't seen Batman 2 in a long time. I'm dying to see Catwoman  
  
again!" Michael said.  
  
"I thought so." I replied.  
  
We began to eat and I started to remember all the times I had eaten  
  
Chinese take out with Mikey over the years. Too many to count. And  
  
of course we had our little habits together. I don't like Soya, so I  
  
picked mine up with my chopsticks and fed it to Mikey. Ted and  
  
Emmett didn't notice, they had seen us do this before but I did catch  
  
the surprise in Ben's eyes. Then I took Michael's ginger without  
  
asking and Ben said, "Brian! That was Michael's ginger, not yours."  
  
I looked at him innocently and Michael said, "It's okay, he always  
  
does that."  
  
"Yeah." I said, "Mikey doesn't like ginger."  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
What a dinner! I watched Brian and Michael eating together and  
  
sharing their food like an old married couple. Brian knew exactly  
  
what to give Michael and when and Michael did the same for him.   
  
Emmett and Ted didn't seem surprised at all. Only me. Okay, they've  
  
been best friends  
  
since they were 14 but...it made me really uncomfortable.  
  
I decided to sit between Brian and Michael as we got ready to watch  
  
the three "fabulous" movies Brian brought over. I didn't want them  
  
near each other.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Ben wedged himself between me and my Mikey. I was upset because I  
  
loved watching Mikey's face when he watched movies and seeing his  
  
facial expressions. We were use to making observations when we  
  
watched movies together, and just because he wasn't directly next to  
  
me didn't mean that was going to change. I ignored Ben's discomfort,  
  
of course, as Mikey and I leaned over to see each other while we  
  
spoke.  
  
When we were watching "Seven Years In Tibet" I looked at Ben and  
  
said,  
  
"It's a beautiful country. All those bronzed men are really sexy."  
  
Emmett and Ted Laughed.  
  
"You really missed out on something by not going there." I said.  
  
Ben smiled at me and said  
  
"Oh, I don't think so because I already have the sexiest man of the  
  
world." And he kissed Michael with passion.  
  
I was upset and swore that he'd regret that soon.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
It was the worst evening I'd had since getting together with  
  
Michael. Brian and Michael were leaning over me to talk to each  
  
other, and then Brian made that crack...  
  
I stayed calm and decided to kiss my boyfriend, instead of having an  
  
argue with him.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Movie night had ended and I decided it was time to set the next step  
  
of my plan into motion....  
  
Round 4  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
  
  
It was the perfect time to give my "gift" to Mikey.  
  
"Well, Mikey, I have something for you." I said.  
  
He was surprised and I smiled at him.  
  
"I finally have free passes to the New York comic convention next week. I found a hotel that will provide us with free rooms too. And I convinced the staff of the convention you could promote your comic there!"  
  
I saw the shock and happiness in Michael's eyes.   
  
"How did you do that? Everything was booked for this convention almost 6 months ago!" He said.  
  
"I know but nothing is too good for my best friend." I answered.  
  
He took me in arms and kissed me on the lips. It was soft and quick kiss but so delicious. He was so happy.  
  
"Vic will take care of your store while we're away."  
  
Ted and Emmett looked at each other and said,  
  
"Can we go too?"  
  
Before I could answer, I heard Ben say with an upset voice,  
  
"What? This next week?"  
  
"Yes, it is and of course I have ticket for you too Ben! I knew you'll be on vacation and Justin will come too. He's already packed."  
  
I smiled at Ben and turned to Ted and Emmett.  
  
"Sorry no tickets for you two."  
  
Michael stared at me and asked,  
  
"And you? You can come with us right?"  
  
I took him in my arms and kissed him in his forehead,  
  
"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for anything Mikey."  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I was pissed when Brian said he had tickets for a comic convention in New York the next week, the week of my vacation. I didn't believe it. When he said he had ticket for me too, I calmed down but was irritated that he had decided on this for all of us. He didn't care about my plans for Michael and me that week.  
  
Michael seemed so happy and I felt trapped again. I had to accept it and go along, I didn't have a choice. Then I remembered what Justin said to me earlier and understood what he meant. He already knew I'd be going too.  
  
I knew this was a great opportunity for Michael and Justin to promote 'Rage' and told myself I'd keep my temper under control. I accepted that I'd be passing an entire week with Michael, along with Brian around the whole time. But then I reminded myself that Justin would be there. With him around I'd have a chance.  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
We arrived at the hotel on Monday, Mikey was especially excited because the convention being held in New York was a famous.  
  
I was so happy to see him like that.  
  
I knew he had brought his credit card, every time he goes to a convention he buys comics, figurines, posters and more. And this time he could use Ben to pile all of his belongings on, a good way to put him to use at least.  
  
I had booked two rooms. I gave a key to Justin and keep the other.  
  
"Can we have our key?" Asked Ben.  
  
He didn't know yet and it was with a great pleasure I gave him the news.  
  
"Well, there's a key for Justin and a key for us."  
  
Michael stared at me and said,  
  
"What do you mean Brian?"  
  
"Everything was booked, they had only a single room and a triple room." I said innocently.  
  
"Oh great! So you're staying with us?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
I looked at Ben and he smiled at me, I was sure he hadn't planned on this! And I knew he would be so happy to have me around all night long. I had already decided, no clubbing this week for me. I wasn't about to let them have a moment alone together and of course, with me around all night they wouldn't be able to fuck. Neither could I, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I couldn't believe it! He would be staying with us all the week in the same room! What a nightmare! It was obvious Michael was relieved by the news, that was worse than anything. He didn't want Justin and Brian in the same room for an entire week.  
  
Sometimes, it was hard knowing how much he loved Brian. I would always be second as long as he was around.  
  
I begun to question myself about Brian, perhaps it was just coincidence and I asked,  
  
"Brian, why didn't you take the single room?"  
  
He looked at me and said like it was obvious,  
  
"Because Justin is not Mikey's best friend."  
  
How could I respond to that? The whole "best friends" thing was making me more and more nervous.  
  
It was getting late and we were all settling down for bed, or trying too. Michael was excited about everything the convention had to offer. And Brian teased him relentlessly as they made plans for the next day. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but couldn't with them going on like they were. Even after I turned the light off, they didn't stop talking.  
  
Finally I yelled,  
  
"Please shut up! I want to sleep."  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Oh! Saint Ben seemed loose his control finally! Great news.  
  
I heard Mikey said sorry and good night to him.  
  
The next morning we were ready for a new adventure. We left Justin at the 'Rage' display, I paid him for his time. Michael, Ben and I walked around the convention to discover all the new comics.  
  
Michael was like a child and begun to buy things left and right, and everything he bought wound up in Ben's hands. I saw everything he was carrying and said,  
  
"It's good that you're here! That the boyfriends advantage." And I laughed at him.  
  
He didn't respond. I didn't care. There were a lot of people here and I was sure I could lose him behind us sooner or later.  
  
A few minutes later, I took Michael's arms to show him a great model of Galaxy Lad and I managed successfully to lose Ben.  
  
Michael was worried for Ben and said,  
  
"Where is Ben?"  
  
"Don't know, there a lot of people here, we must have lost him. You better call him on his cell phone."  
  
"Good idea."  
  
Michael called Ben. It was impossible to indicate to him where we were so he said he'd wait for us at the 'Rage' display with Justin.  
  
I was glad to be alone with my Mikey.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I returned to the 'Rage' display, alone and unsure of how it had happened. One second they were with me, then they were gone. I was totally pissed off.  
  
But I knew that now was my chance to talk with Justin, to play matchmaker. When he saw me with Michael's stuff he said,  
  
"Oh my god! Michael bought a lot, and it's only the first day."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Where is he? Where's Brian?"  
  
"There were too many people, we got separated."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
"Justin? Aren't you bored here alone? I mean you'd certainly prefer to enjoy the convention too and be with Brian?"  
  
"No, it's good and Brian doesn't need me."  
  
"Why do you say that? Everybody saw how depressed he was after you two broke up. I thought you two would get back together."  
  
Justin said nothing and I didn't know if it was good or not to continue this conversation, then suddenly he said,  
  
"I wanted to get back with Brian again. I even proposed news rules for us, to give us more freedom but he turned me down. He only wanted me as a friend, that's all. And you know Ben, I am his friend and it's much better than when I was his boyfriend."  
  
"But you still love him."  
  
"He was my first love, Ben, but it's in the past now and I'm young with my whole life in front of me."  
  
I started to see that using Justin in my plan was going to be useless. I decided to call Michael when time passed and they hadn't returned. I told him that I missed him and wanted him to join me, he said that he had to finish something and would return right after. Then he asked me if Brian was with me.  
  
I was surprise and said no. He said that they had been separated by the crowd.  
  
I smiled. So Brian was lost too. This was good.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
  
  
I was furious, I lost my Mikey too. I came back to the stand and saw Ben with Justin.  
  
"Hi." I said.  
  
"Lose him too?" Asked Ben.  
  
"Yep, too many people."  
  
"I called Michael, he'll join us as soon as he's finished something."  
  
"When did you call him?"  
  
"About 15 minutes ago."  
  
"Too long." I said.  
  
I took my cell out and called Mikey,  
  
"Mikey, it's me! I'm at the 'Rage' stand! Come right now!" I said quickly before hanging up.  
  
Ben looked at me with a surprised look.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You could be less directive, he is not a dog!"  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I was surprised by his attitude, I didn't think yelling at Michael was the solution to making him arrive back sooner.  
  
If Michael was busy with some comic stuff nothing could tear him away. We had no choice but to wait.  
  
A few minutes after, Michael joined us. I couldn't believe it when he said to Brian,  
  
"I didn't have my Scorpiohead autographed because of you!"  
  
"You'll get it tomorrow. Ben and I were missing you Mikey." Said Brian.  
  
Brian watched at me with a winner's look.  
  
I called Michael with a polite tone and he didn't come and Brian yelled at him and Mikey ran? I felt hurt and angry. This was too much even for me, I take pride in my calm and serenity. One week like this, and I didn't think I could tolerate it. Even if I took my mantra with me.  
  
Round 5  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
What a day. I hoped that Brian would go clubbing for the night. After  
  
all, we were in New York and there were so many clubs in town.  
  
After dinner, I said to him,  
  
"So, Brian, did you choose a club to go to? I'm sure that New York  
  
waits for you."  
  
"I'm too tired, I'm not going anywhere tonight." He said.  
  
"You're getting really old!" Laughed Justin.  
  
"Fuck off." He said.  
  
"Too bad, Brian." I said.  
  
I put my arm around Michael's shoulder and decided that since Brian  
  
was too tired for clubbing I'd get Michael to go out with me. I'd  
  
finally have him alone.  
  
"Michael, I heard that there are a lot fabulous club near here, want  
  
to go?"  
  
Michael smiled at me.  
  
"That would be great but tomorrow morning there's going to be a show  
  
at 9 am about X-Men. If I go out tonight I'll probably be too tired  
  
in the morning." He said.  
  
"Okay." I said.  
  
I don't know why, but it seemed to me that Brian knew about this show  
  
already.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
Of course I knew about the X-Men show and I knew that Michael didn't  
  
want to go out tonight because of it.  
  
So, after dinner, we watched a good movie and decided to go to sleep  
  
early. I rarely fell asleep that early but I was really tired for  
  
some reason, it was strange.  
  
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. My stomach hurt  
  
and I felt like I was going to vomit. I stood up slowly, not wanting  
  
to wake Mikey up, and went into the bathroom in silence.   
  
Suddenly I heard a soft, familiar voice. It was Mikey.  
  
"What's wrong Bri?"  
  
"Nothing , my stomach hurts. It's probably from the pizza."  
  
"You're so pale, I'll phone a doctor."  
  
"No, I took an aspirin, I'll be okay." I said.  
  
He approached me and put his hand on my face.  
  
"I'm worried, you are rarely sick."  
  
I took his hand, he was right, I was sick and it pissed me off that  
  
of all times to be sick it was happening now.  
  
"It's just not fair! Why am I sick this week! I wanted everything to  
  
be perfect." I said.  
  
Michael kissed me softly on my lips.  
  
"You're going to see a doctor, and I'm sure everything wil be better  
  
in the morning."  
  
"I hope."  
  
Then I heard Ben ask,  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Brian is sick, can you call a doctor?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Michael stayed with me and took care of me in that kind way of his.   
  
The doctor said it was food poisoning, he told me to stay in bed for  
  
the day and that I'd be fine after that. I was upset, the last thing  
  
I wanted to do was stay in bed all day. But everytime I moved I felt  
  
worse, I didn't have a choice.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
Brian was really sick and I felt sorry for him, he looked like shit  
  
and seemed really upset.  
  
Michael took good care of him, and was going to stay with Brian until  
  
he fell asleep.  
  
Even though I understood the situation we were all in, it was  
  
heartbreaking to see how Michael cared for him. Perhaps if I hadn't  
  
been aware of Michael's feelings for him, it would have been easier  
  
on me. I wanted to help, but Michael had taken charge and wouldn't  
  
let me.  
  
"I stayed with you tomorrow." Said Michael.  
  
  
  
"No, it will be okay. I want you to enjoy your convention and you  
  
have to do your promotion tomorrow too."  
  
"I can't do it without you there."  
  
"You can Mikey, I'm sure you will be fantastic with your fans and  
  
Justin will be there too." Brian said.  
  
Even as sick as he was, Brian's voice was soft and his tone directive  
  
and Michael agreed.   
  
  
  
In my bed, I began to believe that perhaps Michael's feelings could  
  
be shared by Brian. It made me scared because if it was true, I  
  
couldn't compete with him. I felt depressed. I didn't want to think  
  
of it, but deep in me I knew I needed to find the truth. I couldn't  
  
live with the doubt  
  
Round 6  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I spent the day with Michael at the convention, but he wasn't  
  
enjoying himself. He constantly check his cell to see if Brian had  
  
left any messages for him.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I was so sick and pissed off that Michael would be with Ben all day,  
  
and knowing that I couldn't be there with him for their first serious  
  
promotion of 'Rage' really had me angry.  
  
A few hours after they had left, Ben returned to the room. I was  
  
surprised to see him alone.  
  
"I forgot my video camera." He said.  
  
"You'd better get it all on film, I want to be able to see everything  
  
that happens down there."   
  
He smiled at me.  
  
"Do you feel any better?"  
  
"No."  
  
I said, my disappointment obvious.   
  
Then he asked,  
  
"What can you say to me about Michael's ex, David?"  
  
I felt my heart stop when I heard David's name. Why would Ben ask me  
  
that?  
  
"Why ask me? Ask to your boyfriend."  
  
He said,  
  
"Oh, well, I asked you because he is here with his son. They're down  
  
at the 'Rage' display. Michael seemed really shocked to see him, I  
  
don't know anything about that relationship. It surprised me too, I  
  
wanted to know more before going back there."  
  
I couldn't believe it, David was there. With my Mikey. That asshole  
  
was there and I was in this fucking bed. I decided to get up and  
  
force myself to go to the convention.  
  
"What are you doing Brian?" He asked me.  
  
"I'm going to the convention! I don't want that bastard near Mikey  
  
again!"  
  
I was furious, I was sick and I felt out of control.  
  
"He seems to be a nice guy." Said Ben.  
  
"Are you kidding? Help me! Give me my shirt." I yelled because I was  
  
too weak to get it myself.  
  
"You'd better be stay in bed. Why are you so upset?"  
  
"And you! Your boyfriend is with his ex and you stay calm like it was  
  
nothing! I don't understand you Ben."  
  
I was mad. I wanted to see David, I wanted him to know that I was  
  
around. It was incredible that just simply hearing the name David  
  
and knowing that he was there made me crazy.  
  
"I don't know why I should be worried." Said Ben.  
  
"What did he say? Why he is here?" I asked with anger.  
  
"He's on vacation with his son, his son saw the 'Rage' display and  
  
wanted to see Michael. And he wanted an autograph."  
  
"Shit! That's all?"  
  
"Yes, so stay here, you're so pale."  
  
"Let me go Ben, I'll kick that bastards ass."  
  
Ben tried to calm me down. I had a fever, I felt sick, I was mad and  
  
totally confused.  
  
"Calm down Brian."  
  
Ben tried to stop me and I didn't see why he was acting like that.  
  
"Let me go Ben." I ordered.  
  
"No, you're sick, it's nothing to worry over."  
  
"You don't understand Ben. That man stole my Mikey away from me!"  
  
I said it without realizing what I had just said. It was painful  
  
remembering that Mikey left me for that asshole to go to Portland. I  
  
felt tears sliding down my face and knew if I hadn't been so sick and  
  
weak I never would have reacted like that.  
  
Ben just stared at me. I was scared for having said so much in front  
  
of him, but I was still determined to get to David.  
  
  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
The moment I said David's name I saw the anger in Brian's eyes. And  
  
when I said he was actually there at the convention, he tried to hide  
  
his feelings but he was so sick from the fever it was obvious he was  
  
out of control.  
  
I saw pain in his eyes when he said, "That man stole my Mikey away  
  
from me!" I saw the hurt, I saw the anger, and I saw the love. I  
  
knew right then that he was in love with Michael, and it broke my  
  
heart instantly.  
  
I didn't know if it was for him or for me. There were so many things  
  
I didn't understand. He was in love with Michael and Michael loved  
  
him back, but nothing ever happened. Why?  
  
I had to tell him the truth when I realized that he was determined to  
  
get to the convention.   
  
"Calm down, Brian! David is not there! I lied. He is not there at  
  
all."  
  
I saw shock, anger and hurt flash through his eyes before he gave me  
  
a violent push and yelled,  
  
"You son of a bitch!"  
  
I deserved that of course. For a man who was so sick, he had a good  
  
punch.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I wanted to know. Even though I had my doubts I'm  
  
not blind and I finally saw how you manipulate your world. I wasn't  
  
sure in the beginning if you wanted me out of Michael's life and if  
  
you were going to fight me for him. I'm not an idiot Brian, I've  
  
seen you and this week was the final straw!"  
  
Brian glared at me, he was furious with me. I continued,  
  
"Why can't you do things simply Brian?"  
  
"It's not your business."  
  
"Michael is my boyfriend, he is my business. What's wrong with you?"  
  
He didn't respond, he just glared at me.  
  
"You asked for this and you found it, so now I want to know, do you  
  
love him?"  
  
I knew he loved him of course, but I wanted him to confess it. He  
  
said nothing and stayed silent.  
  
"I want to hear you answer. It's okay if you don't though because  
  
I'm warning you that if you don't admit your feelings I'll never give  
  
him up. I love him and I'm not letting him go. For once in your  
  
life fight honestly. It's up to you Brian."  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
He backed me into a corner and I was so furious I had actually  
  
punched him with all the strength I had in me. I was shocked when he  
  
asked me if I was in love with Mikey. We both knew by not denying it  
  
I was admitting it to us both, so why did he continue to push me?   
  
He was right though, I would have to fight honestly. When I started  
  
this, I knew what I wanted. I wanted Michael.  
  
I took a deep breath and said,  
  
"Okay, you wanted to know? I'll tell you. I love him, always have  
  
and always will."  
  
The feeling that swept over me was so unexpected. I felt like I  
  
could breathe easier. I felt better, not in my body but in my  
  
heart. For once I felt at peace and asked,  
  
"How do you know about David? I thought Mikey didn't tell you about  
  
him and everything that happened?"  
  
"This morning I was talking to Justin, about you. He really loved  
  
you. He talked about when you first met, about you and him. He said  
  
nothing about your feelings but each time he talked about you he  
  
seemed to bring Michael up as well. He told me about Michael's 30th  
  
birthday party and more. He told me about David. That's when the  
  
idea popped into my head, but I didn't know it was going to work like  
  
that."  
  
I wasn't angry with Justin, but why didn't he just keep his mouth  
  
shut?   
  
"So? What are you going to do?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm still Michael's boyfriend and your still his best  
  
friend. If you want him, you must tell him and after that it's up  
  
to Michael. I meant it Brian, I love him. And for now I'm going to  
  
be with him. But like I said to him, I'm taking life one day at a  
  
time."  
  
Ben was definitely a good man. Yes, it was up to me to decide what I  
  
wanted, and I knew what I wanted.  
  
Ben left me alone then. I laid down, exhaustion swept through me  
  
after the emotional confrontation.  
  
Ben's POV:  
  
I was honest with Brian. I didn't want to break up with Michael just  
  
because he was in love with him. And I didn't want to tell Brian that  
  
Michael loved him too. It wasn't my business.  
  
But it was a question of time. I knew I lost Michael when Brian  
  
admitted his feelings.  
  
I decided I needed some time to myself in Tibet. I felt happy for  
  
Michael, his true love loved him back. And if Michael was happy,  
  
then so was I.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I never told Michael about what Ben and I had talked about. Ben was surprised that I didn't tell Michael about it in the days following our confrontation. He probably thought I had made a declaration of love, he was wrong, I did nothing. I never said I would do anything about it. I was just there, all the time and everywhere, as usual.  
  
I think it drove Ben crazy that I was still picking up my tricks night after night, just as I had always done. My attitude never changed, and one day after we got back from the convention he came to the loft and asked me why I was acting like that still.  
  
I smiled at him and answered simply,  
  
"It's not any of your business."  
  
He was upset, he didn't understand me and wanted to know why I was acting the way I was. It was definitely not his business, I wasn't sick this time and surely I didn't want to share my secrets with him. I asked him why he was so upset by what was going on.  
  
His only response was too yell,  
  
"You two are so fucking childish! I can't bear it anymore! I'm tired of this!"  
  
He left and the next day, Michael and Ben broke up. All I know is that they had a fight and it was over. I saw Mikey right after, he was upset and angry. He didn't tell me what happened exactly but I knew it was because of me. I was there to comfort him.   
  
And of course, our "friends" were there blaming me for everything. Including Debbie. She told me, "You didn't learn anything after what happened with David. You did the same thing with Ben. You're so fucking selfish Brian."  
  
It was hard, it was like I took a time machine. What do they know of me to judge me like this?  
  
I was so full of stress, anger and pain. I ignored it the best I could, Ben was out of the picture after all. I tried to convince myself that I could live with it, that I could keep everything normal and continue having Mikey in my life just like it use to be.  
  
I didn't realize how far I was pushing myself. I was pushing the limits of my strength, and I did it in the way that is always mine...the wrong way.  
  
Round 8  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I tried to live my life as I always had before, but finally  
  
acknowledged that I needed more. Michael and I were together one  
  
night, at my loft, and we talked about so many things: Emmett and  
  
Ted, our jobs, and the 'Rage' debut at the convention. We seemed to  
  
talk about everything but what I most wanted to know. My heart began  
  
to speed up and finally I asked about Ben and what really happened  
  
between them.   
  
"So Mikey, have you heard from Ben?" I asked coolly, but inside I  
  
was a nervous wreck.  
  
Mikey seemed surprised by my question.   
  
"Ya, he's leaving tomorrow for Tibet." He answered simply.   
  
I waited a moment, took a deep breath and asked,  
  
"Did you break up because of me?"  
  
He turned away and hesitated before saying,  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
  
  
Michael's POV:  
  
Why did he suddenly want to talk about Ben? It made me extremely  
  
uncomfortable. I didn't want  
  
to talk about Ben and what happened between us.   
  
He asked me if he was the reason we broke up, and I lied.   
  
Yes, it was because of him. After all he did during the convention  
  
and after, it was inevitable. I'm not blind, I saw how he was  
  
acting...he was reacting the same way he did when I was with David.   
  
I really enjoyed having my Brian back, I loved feeling close to him  
  
again. Ben understood my feelings for Brian and had accepted them,  
  
and until then there had never been a problem. I could see his anger  
  
towards Brian grow and wasn't sure why he was acting like that. And  
  
then we fought. He wanted to talk about Brian, and I didn't  
  
especially want to talk about my best friend with my boyfriend. I  
  
told him once before what my true feelings were, I was done talking  
  
about it.  
  
He told me I was a coward, a liar and that I was hurting everyone,  
  
including myself, by acting the way I was.  
  
He said, "There's so many things I don't understand, you told me that  
  
you love Brian and it's obvious that there is more to you two than  
  
just 'best friends.' There's something more and you  
  
know it. You've played with people's feelings and I don't know why  
  
you are so afraid Michael.   
  
You need to make a decision. You can't have me and Brian at the same  
  
time. In this situation, I am always going to be the one who loses.   
  
I was able to handle it before, but not anymore. Even though I take  
  
life one day at a time I need to know what's going on."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Michael you're a good person and I know you care for me. You'd  
  
never intentionally hurt anyone but you do hurt people. You are  
  
scared and you don't want to open your eyes.you want to protect  
  
something or someone but You're destroying the possibilities slowly  
  
and one day it will be too late. Open your eyes and take  
  
responsibility for once."  
  
"I don't understand what you're saying to me Ben, what are you  
  
telling me?"  
  
"You love Brian, Michael! So do it, love him. I'm leaving for Tibet  
  
in a few days, there's not point to my being here."  
  
And just like that, it was over. So simply, so quickly. I was  
  
upset, and a little angry, but I wasn't hurt. I loved Ben, but he  
  
was right, it wasn't enough. My heart belonged to Brian.  
  
I wasn't brave enough, even after Ben's words to me, to be honest  
  
with Brian when he asked me about the breakup.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I knew he was lying to me, my blood boiled and I wasn't going to let  
  
it drop.  
  
"Our friends and your mother think you broke up because of me. They  
  
blame me."  
  
"So, what's on TV tonight?" Michael asked me, dropping the subject  
  
as always.   
  
I couldn't take it any longer and felt my control leave me.   
  
"That is it!" I yelled. "You are such a coward and a liar. You've  
  
been doing this for eighteen years Mikey, I can't take it anymore. I  
  
need to talk, we need to talk and I don't want you to try and change  
  
the subject again!"  
  
  
  
Michael's POV:  
  
It was a big shock to see Brian react like that, he was furious and  
  
yelled at me.   
  
"Okay, Brian." I answered, scared by what might happen next.  
  
He went into the kitchen, opened a beer and drank from it for a  
  
moment before starting something that I was not prepared for.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
I was so angry by this point I didn't even stop to think about what I  
  
was saying.  
  
"You lied Mikey, you said it wasn't because of me and I don't believe  
  
it! Everyone knows Ben left you because of me and so do I. You  
  
acted like this before, , do you remember our talk at the bath after  
  
our trip to New York to find Justin. Do you remember the trip  
  
Mikey? Do you remember what I told you on the turnpike that night?"  
  
Mikey looked at me without saying a word and I yelled again.  
  
"DO YOU REMEMBER MIKEY?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
I could tell how uncomfortable Mikey was about this conversation, but  
  
I couldn't stop myself. It was too late to stop now.  
  
"So you remember me saying that I was going to miss those times  
  
together when it was just us. I said I knew I was shitty to you  
  
sometimes, I said that I knew that no matter what you would always  
  
love me, no matter what. Do you remember me saying, " me too,Always  
  
have, always will" and then kissing you?  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So what was it all to you? A joke? A FUCKING JOKE? You stared up  
  
at me with stars in your eyes and I knew then that I had won you from  
  
David, I knew that you wouldn't be able to move in with him after  
  
that. It was the best way for me to tell you at the time how I  
  
felt. I was fucking scared about the Doc and I knew our friends and  
  
your mom would persuade you into doing something you didn't really  
  
want. So I took the risk and what did you do about it?"  
  
I saw Mikey's eyes widen with shock.  
  
"NOTHING! You did nothing, like nothing had happened. OK, you broke  
  
up with the Doc, you said things with him weren't as great as it had  
  
seemed, blah, blah, blah and then nothing! Can you imagine how I  
  
felt? I was fucking waiting around for you to make your move but no.  
  
Remember that afternoon in the sauna we talked about your birthday?   
  
I said David wasn't so bad, you seemed upset with me and I asked you  
  
then if you and he broke up because of me, and you said no. I knew  
  
you were lying. I was pissed off and feeling rejected after our kiss  
  
on the turnpike. I wanted to hurt you for being such a coward so I  
  
told you we couldn't be glued to each others sides forever and then I  
  
left you alone for a trick."  
  
I was so angry, it was impossible to stop myself anymore.  
  
"Your mother told me I wasn't worthy of you, that I was trouble and I  
  
believed it. I truly thought I didn't deserve you. I was so bad, I  
  
made damn sure you had the worst birthday imaginable. I believed I  
  
could live without you, but no, I was so lost and that week we didn't  
  
speak was hell. You moved in with that bastard then thanks to Justin  
  
I got you back. You and me, best friends again. That's when I  
  
realized that I needed you more than you needed me. I was able to  
  
accept you and the Doc together because I always knew it wouldn't  
  
work out. I was content to have you only as my friend, I just needed  
  
you near me. I wanted you to be around forever, even if I couldn't  
  
have more because you weren't ready yet."  
  
I stopped only to gulp down a mouthful of beer.  
  
"But no, I was wrong about that too! You left me for Portland. To  
  
live with him! Fuck! You left me!"  
  
Michael stood up, he was pale but I could see the anger blazing in  
  
his eyes.  
  
  
  
Michael's POV:  
  
I had had enough. He wasn't letting me get a word in and I was now  
  
determined for him to listen. He put all the blame on me, that was  
  
unfair and I was going to make sure he knew it.  
  
"Stop! Shut up Brian and listen to me! I am not the only one to  
  
blame here. You want to talk? Okay, but you need to listen too!   
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
And then the fight begun..  
  
Round 9  
  
Michael's POV:  
  
I started to yell, unwilling and unable to hold back any longer.  
  
"All my fault? You are a fucking asshole! Before Justin, before  
  
David, I tried and you rejected me. Remember that? One night in  
  
Babylon, we were in the bathroom getting high and talking about  
  
Patrick Swayze and I kissed you. I wanted you and I went for it but  
  
you rejected me. Or did I dream it?"  
  
Recalling the hurt I felt at his rejection, I knew the anger was  
  
evident in my eyes now. He glared back at me and began yelling again.  
  
"What? You grabbed my dick and made me feel like I was just another  
  
trick, a body you just wanted to fuck. I can take that from  
  
strangers, but not my best friend. Not someone I love. Not like  
  
that and in that place, in a dirty bathroom stall! Neither of us  
  
deserved that. I wasn't some trick, I wasn't a stranger and it hurt  
  
me when you treated me like one. And when I asked what you were  
  
doing you backed off and said it was because of the drugs, it's  
  
always the same with you!"  
  
"You're wrong! I wanted more than your body. You always knew I  
  
loved you."  
  
"I didn't have a fucking clue! You didn't have a kind word for me  
  
that night and only wanted to fuck me. Everyone had told me at one  
  
time or another that you loved me, but hearing it and knowing it from  
  
you are completely different things."  
  
I was in shock! He was blaming me again! I wasn't going to let him  
  
get away with that.  
  
"You hurt me Brian and you know it. Picking up all those tricks in  
  
front of me with your smile and that look in your eyes. Parading  
  
them in front of me and then dragging them into the backroom."  
  
Brian slammed his beer can on the table and said,  
  
"Yes, I knew it! I did it to hurt you, to get a reaction out of  
  
you. I wanted you to stop me, it didn't matter how many guys I  
  
fucked if just one day you would finally say something! Ted once  
  
said that I didn't have any fun picking up tricks without you there  
  
to see, and he was right in a way, it wasn't as much fun. I wasn't  
  
going to sit around with my thumb up my ass waiting for you to decide  
  
it was finally time. I forgot all my troubles through drugs,  
  
drinking and sex!"  
  
Our fight was just getting worse and worse..and he was still blaming  
  
me!  
  
"What about Justin?" I yelled. "He wasn't just a one night stand!"  
  
He glared at me and said,  
  
"At first he was, but he was so damn stubborn and so young...I felt  
  
young with him. And he was perfect because for once you showed your  
  
jealousy. You hated him at first sight and I knew that he was the  
  
person who was going to change our lives. He was more stronger at 17  
  
then I was and I appreciated him for it. I do care about him."  
  
"So what are you saying Brian? That I was always wrong and you were  
  
always right?"  
  
"I didn't say that. But it was always me. I was the one taking  
  
steps 90% of them time. I was the one kissing you, stealing kisses  
  
at every available opportunity. The others can say what they want  
  
but I have been the one waiting for you all these years. I was okay  
  
with it, you weren't ready. I could wait because I needed your  
  
strength and confidence because mine was only on the surface. I  
  
needed you to be more independent because you cared too much on what  
  
others think and I couldn't have a relationship with you under those  
  
conditions. You were insecure in yourself but I was insecure of  
  
everything."  
  
"Stop it Brian! I didn't dream you saying you didn't believe in  
  
love, that you didn't want a boyfriend...you said it! And you hurt  
  
me when Justin became your boyfriend, you avoided me after I returned  
  
from Portland and then there's what you did to me in my  
  
store...making me think you only wanted a quick fuck."  
  
The more we revealed the more angry I became, but at who? Brian or  
  
myself?  
  
"Jesus Christ Michael, you stayed with me after Justin's bashing and  
  
then left. You left me in a situation I couldn't handle alone, I  
  
didn't want your pity and I didn't want the others to lay the blame  
  
on me so I never said anything."  
  
"I came back Brian, I never even gave David or Portland a chance!"  
  
"But you did leave me. It destroyed me. I wanted to forget you and  
  
when you came back, even though I was glad I was pissed off. You  
  
came back and wanted everything to be the way it was, like nothing  
  
had ever happened. Fuck you! I wanted to believe that I could  
  
forget, and Justin needed me. And yes that day in your store I did  
  
only want a fuck because I thought it would let me get over you. I  
  
was wrong."  
  
I was so confused, anger and pain coursed through me.  
  
"You're the only one who really knows me Mikey. You know all my  
  
fears, you know who I really am. You've seen my tears and my pain  
  
because of my family. I didn't believe in love, I didn't want to  
  
believe in it but the only thing I wanted was to be loved. To be  
  
loved by one person, you. I didn't care about the others and knew  
  
you could handle me. You were the only person I had ever opened my  
  
heart and my mind too. You're the only one who ever really knew me  
  
so how could you believe me when I said I didn't do love? That I  
  
didn't want love? You knew it was all bullshit but never called me  
  
on it. So what's wrong with you?"  
  
"But you were so depressed after your split with Justin." I said.  
  
He grabbed his leather jacket and yelled,  
  
"It wasn't because of Justin, it was because of Ben! Because he  
  
stayed around. Fuck Mikey! That doesn't even matter anymore. I  
  
mean, can you really see me now? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you never  
  
loved me."  
  
He slammed the door behind him and left me alone in the loft,  
  
completely shocked. How he could say I never loved him? Everything  
  
else he said was true though, then I remembered Ben telling me I was  
  
hurting people by not being honest and that if I didn't act soon I  
  
would lose it forever.  
  
I thought of that and everything Brian had said. I finally opened my  
  
eyes and admitted the truth. The only one I tried to protect was  
  
Brian, I wanted to protect him from me. He was right, I knew  
  
everything he put out there was a mask. I knew he loved me and that  
  
his hope for love was lying on my shoulders, but I was so insecure  
  
and scared. I was terrified of breaking his heart and destroying us  
  
both. His whole family betrayed him. The only faith he had was in  
  
me, and that scared the hell out of me. I loved him so much but  
  
wasn't able to handle all of his emotional luggage. My attempts at  
  
protecting him were slowly destroying him. He was my hero, my first  
  
friend and looking back at everything that had happened since the  
  
time Justin showed up let me see how much Brian had grown up. And  
  
not in ways I ever expected.  
  
He took off and left me alone to thing about all of these things on  
  
my own, he needed time to think too. I decided that this time I  
  
wasn't running away, I was going to stay there in his loft and wait  
  
for him. I hoped that it wasn't too late. I decided I was ready,  
  
ready for it all. I didn't want to give up the love of my life. We  
  
had hurt each other a lot over the years, eighteen years without  
  
really talking about our relationship was too long. We needed this,  
  
I needed to hear all he had to say. My eyes had to open finally and  
  
he needed to say it as well. Even if we yelled and screamed at each  
  
other, at least we'd be talking finally.   
  
Round 10  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
After I left my loft, I walked to Justin's apartment. He opened the  
  
door a moment after I knocked.  
  
"Brian, you look like shit."  
  
I entered and said nothing.  
  
"So what's going on?" Asked Justin.  
  
"Nothing, I wanted to see you."  
  
He glared at me as I approached him, I tried to kiss him but he  
  
pushed me away.  
  
"So what happened with Michael this time?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"That bullshit worked before but not now! You always act like this  
  
when something happens with Michael. So what's going on?"  
  
I sat on his sofa.  
  
"Do you have any beer?"  
  
"No! I have nothing for you Brian."  
  
He glared at me. I always wanted Justin as a friend and now he was a  
  
friend, I went there because I knew he would stop me for doing  
  
something stupid, I already did too much tonight.  
  
"I had a fight with Michael." I said.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And I told him he was a liar, a coward and other stuff about..that  
  
doesn't matter anymore."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"I yelled, he yelled and I left him in the loft."  
  
"What did he say before you left?"  
  
"I left before he could say anything. It doesn't matter, he probably  
  
left after me and tomorrow he will act like it never happened and  
  
everything will be okay again."  
  
"You look like shit and your eyes are all red, were you crying?"  
  
"NO!" I yelled and lied.  
  
"You ran away. I don't know what happened between you two and I  
  
don't want to know. You said Michael was a coward and a liar, and I  
  
may even agree with that for my own reasons, but so are you Brian!"  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"You fuck off! You are going back to your loft to see if Michael is  
  
there, and if he's not you'll go find him. I'll drive you, come  
  
on!" He ordered.  
  
He was pissed off and he was right. This is why I went to him.  
  
He drove me home and I was surprised to find Mikey waiting for me  
  
there. I was afraid that he'd pretend nothing had happened, my heart  
  
began to speed up. I didn't want to face this, but I was sorry for  
  
saying that he never loved me. I knew it wasn't true.  
  
"I'm sorry for saying you never loved me, I know that's not true."  
  
"I know." He said and moved closer to me. "We needed to talk and  
  
I'm happy we did."  
  
"I didn't plan to do it like that." I said.  
  
He smiled and laughed. I love that smiled so much.  
  
"You know, I didn't want to blame you or push you. I didn't know  
  
exactly what I wanted when I started to talk, I was just tired of the  
  
game but I will understand if you want to stay friends. Perhaps it's  
  
better for both of us..."  
  
He placed his hand on my face softly and slowly. I was scared to  
  
death as he looked up at me with his beautiful, dark eyes.   
  
"Brian, if we stay friends and become nothing more...in the end it  
  
will kill us. I love you and I want you, I want to be near you for  
  
the rest of my life."  
  
  
  
I took him in my arms, I was relieved and so happy.  
  
"I love you too Mikey."  
  
I looked him in the eyes and smiled at him and said,  
  
"Always have, always will."  
  
We kissed deeply. I wasn't scared anymore, I felt perfect, I felt  
  
love. After eighteen years we finally arrived at our destination.  
  
  
  
Michael's POV:  
  
It felt so good to hear him say to me, "Always have, always will." I  
  
love him so much, and our life together was just beginning.  
  
Our first night together was bliss, we felt like teenagers making  
  
love for the first time. He showed me his love through kisses and  
  
his words.  
  
The next morning when we woke, I knew we had to talk about my mother  
  
and our friends. I smiled at the though, trying to imagine their  
  
reactions. I was proud of myself because I knew that their opinions  
  
really didn't matter. The most important thing in my life was Brian,  
  
and if they wouldn't understand that...fuck them. But deep down, I  
  
knew everything would be fine.  
  
  
  
Brian's POV:  
  
A new and a new life. I took Mikey in my arms and he smiled up at me.  
  
"Good morning, honey." He said.  
  
"Oh please Mikey, don't do the 'honey' thing, it's ridiculous." I  
  
said.  
  
"Oh, don't say that, I'm sure you loved it."  
  
I smiled at him.  
  
"I love you Mikey."  
  
He kissed me and I thought of our new life together, and the reaction  
  
by the others, but I trusted in him and wasn't scared. We were  
  
invincible, we were a dynamic duo. Always have been, always will be.  
  
end. 


End file.
